I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
