I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
