just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
