I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
