I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
