He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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