The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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