Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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