Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
