I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
