She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
