mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
