Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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