You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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