I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
