I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
