Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
