If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They have beer where we have blood.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
