One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
