i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
