just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
