I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
