pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
