If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
