Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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