I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
