I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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