I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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