I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize