He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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