Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
