she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
