We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
