so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize