I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize