She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
