Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
