How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
