my sisters under your porch take her home
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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