just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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