he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
