He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
