I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize