I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Are my feet made of real feet?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
