I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
