I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize