she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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