When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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