i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
