Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
