I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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