i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
