i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
