East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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