I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
