airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
