I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
