The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
