I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
