One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
