I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
