i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
