he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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