he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
