you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
