this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
